Dark Descent (Codex Blair Book 3) Page 4

  I realised that I was staring down at my tea cup, and gripping it tightly. I placed it on the coffee table and looked up at Emily; she was watching me with a strange look on her face. I felt my cheeks burn.

  Could she tell what I was thinking? No, don't be crazy.

  "I'll get a list together of places we should start, I guess. I uh..." I started to say that I couldn't imagine her in one of those places, but it was a lie. "Are you sure you'll be OK going to a place like that? I don't like the idea of it." That wasn't a lie, at least. I didn't like it one bit, didn't like the idea of people leering at her. She was a beautiful, breath taking woman. No matter how she dressed herself, people were going to notice and they were going to want her, and I didn't know that I could handle watching a bunch of people being that obviously gross towards her.

  I wanted to protect her, as ludicrous as that notion was.

  "It will be OK, Blair. I will not be harmed by walking into a club, I can assure you of that." Her eyes danced, as if she were laughing at me on the inside, and I felt a muscle tick in my jaw. Why was she laughing?

  "What is that supposed to mean?"

  "You seem to think of me as an innocent, and I find that quite amusing."

  My eyes were getting quite the work out today, widening yet again. What did that mean? She was right, I did think of her as innocent, but the implication there...that she wasn't...I had so many questions now, but my cheeks burned at the mere thought of them.

  "I'll just, um..." I felt my throat turn dry for a moment, and I grabbed the tea cup to wash away the choking feeling. "I'll talk to Raven and see if they know of any places that might be helpful. Never know what they know, really."

  "Oh, do say hello to them for me, won't you? I rather miss them." Emily acted as though nothing had happened, and I was thankful for that.

  "Yeah, I'll tell them. You let me know if you hear anything, OK? Don't leave me hanging."

  "Blair, you have become my partner in battle. I would not leave you out of anything for even a moment."

  I grinned, happy to hear that. Emily meant so much to me, and all I wanted was to mean that much to her as well. When she said things like that it almost made me feel like I was.

  5

  "You did not do your exercises today."

  I had just locked my door upon coming in when a voice sounded from behind me. I whirled around, fire in hand before it registered in my mind that it was Raven standing in front of me, and of course it had been Raven speaking. Who else would it be?

  Well, why the fuck was Raven standing in my living room, unannounced? They should know better.

  But they didn't appear concerned in the slightest, merely lifting an eyebrow at the fire that was rapidly dying in my hand.

  "You did not do your exercises," they repeated. Their tone might have sounded like they were bored, but I had come to know Raven a little by now, and I knew that they were pissed with me.

  "Yeah, well, I had a lot on my mind," I said as I brushed past them and made my way to the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water, gulping it down. I had done the fun combination of taking the underground and walking to get to Emily's and back this morning, thinking that the exercise would be good for me. It was, and I knew that it was, but it was a lot of walking first thing in the morning, on an empty stomach, and I should have prepared for it better.

  I had just wanted to get over and see Emily, so I hadn't wasted any time in eating breakfast.

  My stomach rumbled at me as if to remind me how bad of an idea that had been. I patted it absentmindedly, refilling the cup of water and drinking it more slowly this time.

  "You know that it is important for you to do these exercises every morning, so that you can make a habit of it. So that it becomes a part of who you are, it is your best hope of getting control of the rage inside of you." Raven had followed me into the kitchen, continuing to chastise me for not having done the exercises they had given me.

  I sighed, turning to face them. "I forgot, just this once, is it so bad if I forget once?"

  "It only takes once to lose your grasp on a habit."

  I glared at them, but they did not appear affected by it in the slightest. I huffed out a sigh, placed my cup on the counter, and walked towards the basement door.

  "Come along, then. I suppose you want to supervise this?"

  "If you would like my help, I would be happy to give it."

  I threw a look over my shoulder at them, lifting an eyebrow. Raven was so literal at times that it was hard to understand them, but I knew that they meant well. Raven wasn't trying to ride me as hard as they were, they were legitimately doing everything they could to help me. I appreciated it, too, because I didn't know how to handle the power inside of me. No one did, but Raven's tactics had been the most successful thus far.

  Without saying another word, the two of us walked down into the basement. Halfway down the staircase, I gestured with my hand. "Incendium," I said, and watched as every candle in the room lit up.

  Sometimes just the smallest acts filled me with pride. It was one thing to be fighting with every creature under the sun, but simple magic like this, where I could bask in the moment, that was what I enjoyed. I wished often that I could just have the time to learn more about this side of myself, the new magic that I had. You would think that two years after discovering it, I would have learned a lot, but sometimes I still felt like the girl who had stumbled blindly into battle at Tyburn Tree and barely made it out alive. It was only during battle that I truly remembered who and what I was, what I had become, and had the conviction to keep going.

  When I lay awake at night, the idea that I wasn't at all what I thought I was, and the dread that I was going to let down every single person who depended on me, tormented me. And now that I had taken on the task of defending London, that was a lot of people. It was enough responsibility to crush anyone, let alone a foster kid who had never had much in the way of self-esteem like me.

  I sat cross-legged on the floor of the basement, placing my palms on my knees. Raven mirrored me, their eyes boring into mine.

  "Where do we begin?" they said, testing me to see how much I remembered.

  I drew in a deep breath. "Visualisation is the first task—"

  "No." They cut me off before I had a chance to get very far. "First, you must clear your mind."

  I did my best not to glare at them, instead closing my eyes and trying to do as they said. This was always the hardest part of any lesson with Raven; they usually gave up and gave me a mental task to work on instead, but it never stopped them from starting with it. I pictured my thoughts like a tub of water, scooping out every thought with a bucket as I tried to empty the tub. But the tub seemed to have what worked as a leak in reverse, every time I scooped some of the thoughts out, there were ten more to replace them.

  A frustrated sigh escaped me, and I balled my hands into fists. "This isn't working."

  "You are not trying hard enough," Raven said. They seemed calm but kept their eyes fixed firmly on me, never letting me go or giving me a minute’s peace.

  "You don't know how hard I'm trying! I'm trying plenty hard!" The same thing I had said to Aidan, two years ago. I hadn’t changed at all. I knew I sounded like a petulant child, but I didn't like anybody telling me that I wasn't giving something my best effort. I knew damn well that I was trying, but I also knew that they didn't believe me.

  "You can do better. Stop fighting yourself and listen for the flow within."

  I drew in another breath, through my nose, and let it out of my lips. Stop fighting myself, eh? Did they know something after all? I was always fighting myself, that was the whole point of the training I'd endured the past six months—fighting what was within me. But now I should 'listen for the flow' whatever the hell that meant.

  I did as best I could, listening for the rhythm of my heart and breathing in tandem with it. In for one beat and out for another, until I realised that it was several moments later and a thought hadn't entered my
mind the entire time. I was so excited that I ruined it, opening my eyes, and cracking a wide smile at Raven.

  "I did it!"

  They were looking at me, their lips twitching to one side as if I almost amused them, but otherwise maintaining their stern façade.

  "You did very well. Now, you may visualise the power inside of you, as you did before."

  I huffed out a sigh; I didn't want to do the same things I'd done before, I wanted to do something new, but I knew there was no use fighting with Raven.

  We went on like that for what felt like an eternity, but was more like half an hour. Me trying to do what Raven told me, and them chastising me when I didn't do it exactly as they had wanted me to. Nothing I ever did was good enough for Raven, they always had some other expectation that I couldn’t meet, but I did my best no matter what. I didn't let it get to me.

  I was used to high expectations, in a way, it was the only way I knew how to work on things. If I thought I was meeting expectations, who knows, I might give up and say it was fine.

  "Miss?" Fred's voice came from a corner of the room, and I peeked one of my eyes open to find his tiny red body.

  "Yes, Fred?" I asked.

  Fred had a habit of appearing and disappearing at the most random times; there were days where I didn't see him at all, and days where he was always underfoot. I had learned not to worry about where he was or what he was up to, so long as I didn't hear a word of trouble from him.

  "What is you doing?" he said, walking towards us now.

  I smiled. "Meditating, working on calming exercises."

  "Because of your bad feelings?" His already huge eyes widened a little.

  I quirked an eyebrow up, tilting my head to the side. Fred had never mentioned the demonic powers within me before, I hadn't even been sure that he knew they existed.

  "Yes...Have you noticed them, Fred?"

  He screwed his face up at the nickname I'd given him—his full name, Druxglieqfredhelic, was all but impossible to pronounce. I hadn't ever tried, but it hurt my head to even think it all the way through.

  "Sometimes you is losing your temper for no reasons, but is not noticeable, no. I see it in you." He stared at me, our eyes meeting, and I found myself looking away from him. My cheeks flamed at the insinuation—that Fred could see into me and know what was inside. What else did he know about me? It was only a little terrifying to think about. I looked to Raven instead, and saw that they were regarding the imp with curiosity.

  "Fred?" They asked, testing out the name as if it was completely foreign. It was a simple name, so I didn't quite follow why they would have trouble with it.

  Fred puffed his little chest out. "Druxglieqfredhelic the Conqueror, at your service."

  For the first time since I'd met them, Raven's eyes widened ever so slightly, and they inclined their head in a nod. "It is an honor to meet you. I have heard much about you throughout the ages, your intelligence precedes you."

  Fred threw a nasty look at me. "Sees? This is how I should be addressed."

  I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "You can't even speak proper English, how am I supposed to revere you?"

  "That was very insensitive of you, Blair," Raven said. "English is not his native tongue, I would have thought you would know that. Druxglieqfredhelic has been around for eons, watched the rise and fall of several civilisations, and been privy to many species’ creation. You would do well to show him the respect he deserves." Somehow, they managed to make the pronunciation of Fred's full name sound completely natural.

  I cringed, hating that I had once again had a faux pas where Raven was concerned. I was always disappointing them it seemed. Just once, I would like to have the proper response to a situation like this, but I always put my foot in my mouth. "Sorry," I muttered, looking down at my lap. "I didn't mean to disrespect you." I directed my words at Fred, though I continued to stare down at my lap.

  I felt his hand on my knee, and looked up to see a patient smile on his face.

  "Is OK. Humans is always making mistakes."

  Raven and Fred shared a look that said more than enough; the two of them thought very little of the human race.

  I never thought I would let Fred down in the same way that I let Raven down, but apparently, I just wasn't good with other worldly creatures at all. I didn't even know what Fred was capable of, beyond vast amounts of knowledge; and that should have been my first stop.

  "You gets back to your practices, Miss," Fred said. "I not get in the way anymore."

  Raven nodded at Fred and turned their attention back to me. "Let's begin again."

  6

  The worn wood of the picnic bench pressed against my thighs, covered though they were by my jeans. The chill of late autumn bit into my cheeks, and I wondered for the tenth time why we had chosen to sit outside instead of inside. Shawn sat across from me, happily eating his sandwich, oblivious to the cold air. I didn't understand how he was wearing a T-shirt and still somehow OK. I pulled my jacket tighter around me and scowled down at my food.

  "Don't look so sour, Blair. It's a beautiful day!" he said, grinning at me like some cheerful rosy cheeked simpleton.

  "Says you. I say it's bitter, cold, and dreary." I looked at the sky above, grey storm clouds threatening to open at any moment and pour rain upon us. The forecast didn't include rain today, but you never knew with London. It could rain at any moment, and very often did, and we would all just have to deal with it.

  None of that meant I was in a bad mood. I was very happy to be in Shawn's presence, it was a decent break from everything else that had been going on, not to mention I owed him a meal after standing him up last time, and he didn’t nag me about training. Big plus right now.

  "You know, it's your sunny disposition that keeps me coming back," he said, stifling a laugh.

  "Shut up," I said, though I smiled at him all the same. I knew he was just teasing me, just like I knew that he didn't mind me complaining about the weather.

  "So, what have you been up to?"

  I darted a look over my shoulder, making sure that there was no one nearby. We were eating at the park today, but the weather that had me complaining was the same thing that was keeping others from visiting the park. We were completely alone, there were no listening ears around.

  "There's a succubus in town, causing problems. That's what kept me last night, it attacked while I was out, but it got away." I didn't mention that I'd been training with Mal, that we had gone to a club—I didn't see a point in bringing him up. There was no chance that Shawn would get jealous, that wasn't the nature of our relationship and he wasn't the type anyway, but I found that I kept most of my interactions with Mal on the quiet. You never knew who was going to figure out what he was, ask too many questions, or decide that what I was doing wasn't good. I didn't want to have to defend my actions to anyone.

  "A succubus?" He asked, dropping his sandwich to his plate and staring at me for a moment. "Are you serious? That's...whoa."

  "Whoa, indeed." I grinned. Shawn was still new to the supernatural world, he'd only found out about it six months ago, and it was humourous to see his reactions to the things that had become commonplace in my life. Not too long ago I would have had the same reaction as him; now it was just business as usual.

  "What are you going to do about it?"

  I shrugged. "Not much to do about it other than hunt it down and kill it."

  There had also been a time in my life when I had not been so cavalier about killing things, but the past two years had changed me. Not so much that I didn't remember the sight of the eyes of the first man I killed leaking out, didn't remember the feeling of the lightning coursing out of me and into him, didn't remember the scent of sulphur as his body charred to a crisp.

  I was a terrifying monster, and I didn't let myself forget it for a moment.

  He poked at his sandwich, but didn't pick it up. "It's still so strange to think about you...doing that. I mean, I always knew that you were getting into trouble,
you don't turn up the way you do without getting into something bad, but there was no way I ever thought it would be this."

  "Does it change anything?" I asked, lifting an eyebrow. I hadn't thought it would, but I could understand. It was one thing to think the woman you were hanging out with was a fighter, capable of holding her own and frequently getting the shit beaten out of her; it was another entirely to discover that she had magic within her and could likely tear your heart out without too much effort.

  He chuckled, shaking his head. "Not even a little bit. It'll take more than some frost on my lips to scare me away."

  I smiled, though it was a little muted. Shawn didn't know the extent of what I could do.

  It was a lot more than making ice appear out of thin air.

  I liked that he didn’t know. I liked that he was outside looking in.

  7

  That night I was back at the compound with Mal; Raven had opted to miss this training session. Something important they had to do or consider. So, it was just Mal and me, beating the shit out of one another.

  The upside to Raven missing out was that Mal had decided we could have some music to complement the fight. Fast paced music was blaring out of unseen speakers—I was curious as to how much this compound had cost him, or how he had even found it, but I didn't like asking those kinds of questions of Mal.

  The beat of the music spread through me, so that the fight became more of a dance, our bodies moving in such choreographed unison that it was almost beautiful.

  Or it was, until he clubbed me across the head and I was sent spiralling towards the ground, barely managing to keep my head from cracking into the concrete. I shot a glare up at him, but I only had myself to be mad at for not dodging the blow. Mal and I didn't pull punches when we fought; no one would pull punches in a real fight.