Tainted Light Read online

  But I wasn’t just going to stand back and let him die.

  The phone kept ringing, ringing, ringing.

  Then it went to voicemail.

  “Lilith, I don’t know where you are, or what you’re doing, but damn it, you need to call me. I just saw Malphas—or a vision of Malphas, I don’t know—and he said he was dying. I don’t know if it was true or not, but fucking hell, I need to know. Call me.”

  I clicked off the line and tossed my phone angrily on the couch, silently fuming. A large part of me wanted to believe it was all a giant ploy for my forgiveness, but I felt in my soul it wasn’t.

  “Blair? What troubles you?”

  Weylyn, my familiar who sometimes took the form of a giant arctic wolf, and sometimes just an overly large husky, appeared at my side in his husky form. He butted his head against my upper thigh and looked up at me with his icy blue eyes full of concern.

  “Malphas was here.”

  A growl rumbled low in his throat. “Did he hurt you?”

  “No, nothing like that…” I shook my head, letting out a frustrated sigh. “But he might be in trouble. I need to find out for sure.”

  “Druxglieqfredhelic can help with that.”

  I perked up at the mention of Fred. Of course, Fred could help. Fred knew everything under the sun!

  I raced down the stairs to the basement, Weylyn hot on my trail. Fred sat at the picnic table against the far wall, one of his sci-fi books in hand.

  “Miss? Is everythings all right?”

  “No, it damn sure isn’t.” I dragged a hand through my hair. “Why didn’t you tell me it was Malphas at the door?”

  He shifted, visibly uncomfortable. “I was thinkings is time you talked, and I was also thinkings you would not if you was knowings it was him.”

  “You shouldn’t meddle like that.” I shook my head. “But it’s neither here nor there. Did you hear what he said?”

  He shook his head, and I filled him in on the conversation. His eyes grew wider and wider as I spoke, his mouth forming a perfect ‘O.’

  “Oh, Miss Blair, is not good. Not good at all.”

  “I need to know, Fred. Is it even possible? I mean, he’s Fallen…nothing should be able to kill him.”

  The look on Fred’s face told me this was the last thing he wanted to talk about, which didn’t make me feel any better.

  “Is possible, Miss Blair. Is not many things that cans be killing a Fallen—but the blade of an angel cans does it.”

  I felt like my stomach had fallen out of me. “But why would he be in a situation like that?”

  He grimaced. “All Fallen is having an angel assigned to them for bringing them back to the Heavenly Host. Their purpose is for redemption…but is possible that maybe his angel is thinking he can’t be saved. Is possible his angel is sentencing him to death.”

  I staggered as if physically struck and caught hold of one of the workbenches lining the walls of the basement, all cluttered with various potion bottles and spell ingredients.

  “So, it’s possible…” I whispered. “Oh gods, he said an angel had him chained to a wall. He said that. Oh gods, no…”

  Fred’s features tightened. “I is so sorry, Miss Blair. I knows you is wanting to make things right.”

  I shook my head. “No, I wasn’t…I didn’t ever think…” My voice became weak. “I wanted the chance.”

  He didn’t say anything. Weylyn pressed his weight against one of my legs, providing me with some semblance of comfort. I reached down with my free hand and stroked his fur, letting his presence reassure me.

  For some reason, it always seemed that if Weylyn were there, if he were involved, everything would be okay. Everything would work out.

  I swallowed hard and lifted my chin. “There’s still a chance he’s making it all up. He could have told me the angel thing because he knew I’d check with you. How can I know for certain?”

  Fred sighed. “You cans summons him?”

  “He could ignore that.” I pushed off the workbench and began pacing the room, tugging anxiously at my hair. “He would probably ignore a summons. It is the obvious way I can check if he is all right.”

  “I don’t like this, Blair. You shouldn’t be getting involved with the demon again.”

  I jerked around to glare at Weylyn. “Of course I’m going to get involved. If he’s actually in trouble, I need to do something about it. I’m not just going to sit on my hands and wait. I need to do something!”

  Weylyn exchanged a glance with Fred, and I got the feeling they were sharing some private communication. Keeping something from me.

  Weylyn growled.

  “What is it? What are you saying?”

  “Fred has been hoping you would make amends with the demon. I disagree.”

  I propped one hand on my hip. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “It’s related because I do not think you should pursue this. If it is the fate’s will that the demon dies, you should let it be.”

  “Weylyn, what on earth has gotten into you? You never gave me such grief about him before.”

  “He was not involved in our life.” Weylyn pointed out, his eyes boring into mine. “Do not think that I disapprove of you consorting with a demon. I could not care less about his species. It is the very fact he hurt you, that he used and abused you, that prejudices me against him. He is deserving of whatever death fate has in store.”

  A ghost of a smile crossed my lips. “I appreciate you being protective, but I think we’ve established I can handle myself. I’m not…I don’t want to make sure he’s alive, or save him if he is in danger because I want to…fix things between us. I’m not trying to add him back into my life. I just couldn’t live with myself if he died, and I could have done something but didn’t.”

  Though he was only a wolf and couldn’t make a face at me, his eyes spoke of weary defeat.

  “All right. If you are set on finding the demon, I will assist you.”

  “Thank you.” I turned to Fred. “Is there any way for me to find out if he’s okay or not?”

  Fred eyed Weylyn, clearly debating whether he should answer me.

  “Fred!” I snapped, impatient.

  “Yes, Miss, is a way that you cans be knowings for certain. As I is saying, summonings him is the only real and true way to be knowings, but as you say, he cans ignore a plain summons. Is why you must not summon him through normal means.”

  I frowned. “Huh? There’s only one way to summon someone.”

  “No, is many, many ways. Only some are safe. But…there is one you cans be doing that is safe and is guarantee of him appearing. Only way he is not showings up is if he’s dead or if that angel is having him bound.”

  I swallowed.

  Part of me shied away from the idea of doing such a summoning. Part of me didn’t want to know if he was alive or dead because right now with me not knowing, it was up in the air. Schrodinger’s demon. Alive and dead at the same time.

  Confirmation was what I needed, but not necessarily what I wanted.

  “All right. How do I do it?”

  Chapter 3

  Fred and I worked in silence as we set up the spell in the basement. In the center of the concrete floor was a particular circle made of silver and interwoven with various enchantments during its creation. It could hold anything under the sun, and a lot of things outside it.

  It had held Malphas the first time I had met him. A fond smile crept up my lips at the memory. I’d been so naïve then, not knowing anything about the world I now inhabited. Malphas was the first person, aside from Aidan, I had met as a part of this world. He had shown up in the circle when he wasn’t supposed to and taken note of me when I was supposed to stay hidden.

  Everything had been so much simpler back then. My life had been so much more comfortable, but not necessarily better. I liked my life now. I loved my girlfriend. I loved the family of friends I had created for myself, and I honestly enjoyed defending London.

/>   I wouldn’t go back to my life of never being able to pay rent and always being alone no matter how much safer it was.

  Good thing you’re not interested in safety because if he’s for real about that angel, things could get dicey.

  I winced. An angel was no laughing matter. I’d never gone up against one before, never thought I would need to. And hell, this was not going to go over well with Emily.

  Emily, my girlfriend, was one of the Seven, an elite force of holy warriors handpicked by God.

  If I had to tell her that an angel was trying to kill Malphas, the Fallen who had broken my heart, and I intended on fighting it to save him…oh, gods, I was not looking forward to that conversation. I would have to have it, though. I couldn’t just keep it from her.

  Maybe it’s all a big fucked up joke. Maybe he’s alive, and I won’t have to tell Emily anything.

  Shoving the thoughts away, I focused on the task at hand. I drew sigils on the concrete floor and set up the candles. They were candles I’d made myself and consecrated with my power. Sure, store-bought candles would work fine in a pinch, but whenever you used a foci you’d made yourself—that you literally poured yourself into—everything worked so much better. Spells were stronger. Rituals had a higher success rate. It was always worth that little extra.

  I sat back on my haunches and surveyed my handiwork. Yeah, the circle looked all ready to go. It was time to stop dragging my feet and finally do this thing.

  I looked over at Fred. “You’re sure about this, right? There’s no way he can ignore me?”

  Fred bobbed his oversized head. “Yes, Miss. Only way he is ignorings you is if he is physically incapable of responding.”

  “Which means the angel decided to off him. Gods, what am I going to do about that?”

  Fred shifted uncomfortably. “Miss…I is thinkings. Is not normal for an angel to be decidings to execute their Fallen.”

  I cocked my head to the side. “What do you mean?”

  He made a small noise. “Well, you is rememberings the things you was fighting? The things that was not right?”

  “The tainted creatures?” I sucked in a breath. “We haven’t seen one in about a year. Why?”

  “Alls of them is behavings not as is their nature. Alls of thems is doings things that is not right for them to be doing. I is thinking maybe this angel is tainted.”

  “That’s a bit of a stretch…” I chewed on my lip. “Just because we’ve dealt with them before doesn’t mean we’re always going to be dealing with them. But you have a point. If this is outside the norm for an angel, it’s possible. It certainly would make explaining this to Emily a hell of a lot easier.”

  He nodded. “That, too.”

  “We’ll deal with that if it comes up. I know how to fix the tainted. No big deal, really.” I shuddered. There was something so inherently wrong with them. Touching the soul of a tainted creature wasn’t pleasant.

  “I is still not likings you using that spell, Miss.”

  “You’re the one who taught it to me.”

  “Only because you is demanding it!”

  “Come on, Fred. We’re stalling. We need to do this spell and figure out if Malphas is…is all right.” I couldn’t bring myself to speak the alternative.

  “Yes, Miss.”

  I adjusted so I sat with my legs crisscrossed and held out my palms toward the circle. Slowly, I chanted the spell Fred had given me. As I reached the end, I picked up the athame resting on the ground at my side. I bit the knife into my finger and allowed a small drop of blood to fall on the circle of silver, sealing the spell.

  “Malphas. Malphas. Malphas.” I formalized the summoning with his name.

  Then, I waited.

  And waited.

  And waited some more.

  I was determined not to give up and would wait him out however long it took. Because, damn it, he had to appear. He’d come while allegedly chained to a wall, which didn’t make sense and only further proved he was a liar. It all had to be some elaborate lie. And I was going to catch him in it right now.

  At the very least, if he could get away before, he should be able to answer the summoning.

  Right?

  Not if the angel has him bound.

  I shifted, uncomfortable at the thought.

  Not if he’s dead.

  That was even worse. I refused to accept that possibility. Malphas couldn’t be dead because we had too much unfinished business to settle.

  I still had to scream at him for all the awful things he’d said to me. And maybe slap him. It would make me feel better to see the red handprint marking his arrogant face. He had to apologize for the way he wronged me and for the pain he’d inflicted on my heart. He had to.

  Oh, just admit it already. You aren’t this upset because you want to have it out with him. You’re upset because you still care.

  I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood and glared at the empty circle in front of me.

  “Miss?”

  I jumped. I’d forgotten about Fred.

  “Yes?”

  “He is not comings,” Fred said in a small voice, clearly not wanting to be the one to point it out.

  I let out a heavy sigh, shaking my head. Tears burned my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

  “So, he’s in trouble after all,” I said softly.

  Because he wasn’t dead. I wouldn’t let him be dead. He was caught up with the angel, and that was that.

  “All right.” I stood, shook out my shoulders, and stretched my stiff legs. “Plan b it is. I need to figure out where he is so that I can save his sorry arse.”

  Fred stood, too. “You is needings a locating spell, then.”

  “Cool, I’ve got one of those.”

  “No, Miss, you is needings a better one, like this summoning. Is no knowing if Malphas is on Earth or not, and the spell you is having is not going to find him if he’s not on Earth.”

  I let out a frustrated breath. “All right. I’m assuming you know the spell?”

  He ducked his head. “Yes, I is knowings it. But is needing a special ingredient that you is not having.”

  I ground my teeth together and breathed in sharply through my nose. “Fine. I don’t give a fuck what it is. I’ll get it.”

  Ready or not, Malphas, your arse is getting saved by this human girl.

  Chapter 4

  The essence of a seer.

  It was the ingredient I was missing and damn if it wasn’t a difficult one to get. You didn’t just go around collecting another person’s essence—it was rude as fuck. Your essence…it was almost like your soul, although not quite as potent. It was still a very intimate thing to share, and usually, it was only given as a heartfelt gift or stolen at death.

  I didn’t know any seers well enough for them just to hand over their essence, but I also wasn’t about to kill anyone.

  Yet.

  I was only willing to wait so long to get what I needed to find Malphas. There was no knowing what could happen if I lost too much time. I’d already lost a night having to wait for a more ‘acceptable’ hour to call on people.

  Don’t get me wrong, I’d started out as early as I could visiting my contacts in the magic community as soon as the rays of dawn were in the sky, but so far no one knew a seer they could point me to. All the driving around, and the fucking annoying polite conversation you just had to have with every single person you talked to had eaten up all of the day.

  If this last lead didn’t check out, I was going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble. I didn’t know what I would do, but there was no way I could wait another night to get started on my mission.

  You might already have wasted too much time. He might be dead right now.

  No. I wouldn’t accept that. Malphas had said the angel was trying to purify him not kill him—whatever that meant. But I had taken it to suggest that the angel was torturing him. Whoever they were, they didn’t want him dead. They just wanted to fuck with his head. Which meant I had m
ore time than if it was just a regular old assassin holding him.

  It wasn’t terribly comforting to think of him being tortured, but it was all I had to cling to.

  A small bell tinkled overhead as I walked into the little occult shop. I inhaled deeply. The scent of incense filled my nose. My muscles immediately tensed, long since conditioned to view this store as a source of anxiety.

  Lillai, the shop owner, was the leader of the local magical community—hedge witches, for the most part, and small-time practitioners, people below the notice of the Order, but still possessed magical ability. Lillai gave them the structure of an organized community to belong to, people they could relate to, and someone to talk to when problems arise.

  For a long time, she had hated me. From our first encounter, she had been antagonistic. I hadn’t been able to identify the source to her ire, and she had yet to be forthcoming about the reason why she distrusted me. It had only been my assistance when Lilith—the succubus I had later befriended—had threatened the community that had brought Lillai around when it came to me.

  She still didn’t trust me, but at least she was willing to work with me.

  I had dearly hoped that would prove true today.

  I strode with purpose to the counter she stood behind, meeting her brown eyes. Her long, thick, and curly black hair drifted around her face as she lifted her chin.

  “Hello, Lillai.” I forced a smile to my lips. I was so done with polite conversation today, but my usual blunt attitude wasn’t going to earn me any favors with her.

  “Blair,” she said flatly.

  “How’s the shop?”

  She narrowed her eyes. “What has happened?”

  I sighed. “Nothing to do with the community, so you can rest easy on that.”

  Some of the tension eased out of her shoulders, and her eyes softened. “Then what brings you here?”

  I shifted my weight from foot to foot and glancing up at the ceiling, choosing my words carefully. She wouldn’t help me if I told her I was trying to save a demon from death. Lillai might have worked outside the Order, but her moral compass was strong and finite. She had ruthlessly cut out members of the community for less.